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, my interest in Geography has always leant toward the socio-political/economic aspects of the subject, which are closely linked to the study ofhistory. Learning German and spending time in Germany has brought not just alife skill, but also a better understanding of German culture. 　　

Much more than alife enhancing and simple pleasure, it became of great use in my study ofnineteenth century German history and in appreciating Marx, Nietzsche and evenLuther to a greater extent. Although this historical awareness may beconsidered narrow, one of my main motivations for studying history at degreelevel is to broaden my horizons. This will certainly include extending my,already well cemented, love of the discipline. 　　

Believing the old adage about a healthy mind in a healthy body, I have long been a memberof a lifesaving club. This has allowed me to qualify as a pool lifeguard thusimproving my medical awareness and sense of responsibility. Above all, the rolehas helped my confidence to respond in an emergency which, as a practicalperson, I would wish always to be able to do. I strive to complete all tasks toa high standard and with great enthusiasm and have developed a fiercedetermination to achieve. 　　

Additionally, regularly competing as a lead speakerin my School's Debating Society is not only greatly enjoyable, but has alsohelped to stimulate my competitive nature. In order to unwind, I often writecreatively; which is frequently not just a matter of pen and paper, but onewhich involves guitar and piano (both of which I have some fluency in). Ifsuccessful in my application I will capitalise on the opportunity to learn fromleading practitioners in their fields. Furthermore, I will offer the utmost ofmy abilities in both the curricular and extra-curricular aspects of universitylife. 　　

点评： 　　

1. 申请者以“阅读”为主题，谈了《罗伯特皮尔传》等多本书籍，且都有自身思考，同时展示了自己的哲学素养; 　　

2. 第一段内容过多，应该有自然分段，关于在学校的活动项目可以组织成新的一段; 　　

3. 介绍多种与历史相关学科的学习，比如法律、地理，展示了申请者学习热情和潜能; 　　

4. 最后提到兴趣爱好，有具体的例子，展示了多种素质。

 

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