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s of the beauty, the serenity, and the pleasantries of the backwoods, which they are about to fill with thunder, laughing, and antics that only a true dumbass could pull off.

As the assholes get closer to the lake, they see a very common sight, seagulls. “Damn gulls” is heard muttered through the three of them. Now they are within sniper range. They line up in a gun line, they may be assholes, but they do know the ten rules of gun safety. Rifles cocked, safety off, and ten gulls just waiting peacefully in the water. The guns explode, and three seagulls seem to pop, being bigger than tweety birds, the others now bolting from the water.

“Dibs!” Yells one of the assholes as he hands off his rifles, takes down his shotgun, and runs forward from the line. Forest assholes know exactly what he means with this. His 12 gauge is poised to the air as he follows slightly in front of the birds trails, he shoots, pulling the pump back and shoving it forward, he follows and shoots again, a third time with the action, and he shoots once more.

An asshole screech jumps from the throat of one watching. An asshole screech is hard to explain unless one has heard it, and sometimes it may take different sounds. Usually it starts with a EEEE from a rolling throat, then takes on a rolling tongue, or an OOOO sounds, depends on the asshole.

“God damn, three birds in three shots from that distance, ten bucks says you can’t do it again!”

“Shit, I could do it naked, bent over, shooting between my legs blindfolded.”

“Yeah, you fuckers maybe, but my cock would get in the way of my rifle, even if it were between my ankles.”

Vulgarities seem to be a common friend among the asshole, even ones that take on no meaning to the normal person. Like not being able to “drive a spike with a tack hammer,” which make seem strange, but actually means though an asshole is fat, he needs it to drive his large genitalia forward.

The assholes continue to the camp right next to the lake, there is no one around, just perfect for a camping trip of this type. The lay their firearms and fishing rods carefully up against trees and bushes, but just throw their backpacks on the ground. Now you would think that assholes of this type would go right for the beer, but assholes have a different perspective on life than most people think. They are naked and in the lake before anyone knows what is going on. It is quite hot out, and they did just hike two miles carrying 60lbs of crap through the woods. The thoughts of most people are actually half right. After the first dip in the lake the call comes from the two further out into the water, “Beer me!”

After a few rounds of beer fishing (one asshole throws a beer, and the other swims after it) the assholes look up to the shore and see their shimmering rods (hehehe, he said shimmering rod) knowing that the fish are just waiting for them. They get out and throw some pants on, nothing more, then get their tackle ready for the fishin. Since they are just fishing for catfish, some chicken live is thrown on some hooks, chucked into the water, and left to catch something. This is when the assholes are left to go and explore the woods around them.

“Ten bucks” is heard again from the assholes, this being their main challenge. An asshole grabs his pistol and