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ir feedback and deferring to their expertise as needed.
Terms like "valuable lessons" and "teamwork" are vague and do not really convey anything
meaningful about the applicant's experience. In contrast, the revised version explains the team
dynamic in more detail, showing specifically how the applicant exercised teamwork principles.
The passage should go on to include even more detail, perhaps by naming a particular
colleague and discussing his interaction with that person.
Sounding contrived is a problem related to overly general writing. Applicants often have
preconceived notions about what they should be discussing, and they try to force those points
onto the experiences they relate. The best way to counteract this tendency is to start with your
experiences and let the insights flow from there. Think about your most meaningful
experiences and describe them honestly. Often you will find that you don't need to impose
conclusions because the personal qualities you're trying to demonstrate will be inherent in the
details. If you decide that clarification is necessary, the transition should still be natural.
Summarizing Your Resume
Perhaps the most common personal statement blunder is to write an expository resume of
your background and experience. This is not to say that the schools are not interested in your
accomplishments. However, other portions of your application will provide this information, and
the reader does not want to read your life story in narrative form. Strive for depth, not breadth.
An effective personal statement will focus on one or two specific themes, incidents, or points.
Trying to cram too much into your essay will end up in nothing meaningful being conveyed.
"A straight autobiography should be avoided, although interesting and pertinent
autobiographical facts should be included. But the statement should be more future-oriented
than past-oriented. I don't really want the story of a student's life but rather plans for and a
vision of the future."
-Graduate English Department, UCLA
Sensitive Topics
Don't get on a soapbox and preach to the reader; while expressing your values and opinions is
fine, avoid coming across as fanatical or extreme. Avoid mentioning subjects that are
potentially controversial; it is impossible for you to know the biases of members of various
admissions committees. Religion and politics normally don't belong in these statements,
although there may be exceptions (an applicant who has held an important office on campus
or in the community would likely want to include this fact). Personal political views usually are
not appropriate for personal statements. Any views that might be interpreted as strange or
highly unconventional should also be omitted because you want to avoid the possibility of
offending any of the individuals in whose hands the fate of your graduate school application
rests.
Gimmicks
Don't use a gimmicky style or format. Your "clever" or "original" idea for style probably isn't,
and it may not be appreciated.
"Avoid cuteness; we've had people who have done career statements in the form of a miniplay,
for example. You want to sound like a professional."
-The Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, Princeton University
Long-Windedness
Sometimes the same writer who relies too heavily on generalizations will also provide too
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