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blems.  For example: as written, the essay doesn’t give the reader the payoff that might be expected.  Specifically, how did the summer change you?  What did you gain from your experiences?  We drew some general conclusions in our edit, but ultimately these are elements that you alone can insert into the essay to strengthen the impact of the piece.  There were also some details that were cleaned up, such as run-on sentences and grammatical errors.  We varied the sentence structure, and the arc of the essay was altered to add some drama and suspense to your tale of world travel.
Some loose ends still need to be taken care of.  For example, did you live in New York State before you moved to India?  From your comments about returning to New York, it appears so, but it’s never stated outright.  You ought to make reference to the place you left behind when you began your journey.  Also, it seems like you’re straining to make a connection to New York City, in order to imply that you’d be happiest at a school like XXX.  If you’d like to make this point, the end of the essay might lend itself to this purpose.  Please read over the edited ending, and see if you want to insert a XXX reference here.
We hope you continue to use our professional editing services, and we wish you the best of luck in your application process.
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Edited Essay:
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I stood at the doorway of the 747 jumbo jet, unsure that I even wanted to enter.  As I was ushered to my seat, I was aware of people chatting, seat belts clicking, and flight attendants closing the overhead luggage compartments.  The scene made me dizzy.  In a state of semi-shock, I slumped into my seat.  As I stared out the window, visions of recent events overtook me.  My life was changing in ways I could not understand, much less accept.  The only thing I knew for certain was that my life as I knew it had ended, and I was embarking on a radically new course.  My family and I were off to India.
We were moving because my father’s employer had relocated him there. Although India was somewhat familiar to me, I felt a deep sadness at leaving the place I had grown to call home.  Even with my grandma, uncles, aunts, and cousins waiting to welcome us, my heart felt empty.  My mind buzzed with thoughts of leaving my suburban home, friends and school.  My eyes welled up and a stream of tears fell silently down my face.
After an uneventful flight, we made our way to my grandmother’s house. Although I was in pain, I tried to help my mom and brother get set up at our temporary home.  We were soon to be followed by my Dad.  Through my haze of sadness, I tried to absorb some of the joy radiated by the people that surrounded me.  I noted the enthusiasm of my relatives as they scheduled visits with realtors and took trips to scout out the local schools.  We spent days shopping on narrow streets crowded with cars, bicycles, scooters and bull-a-carts, each trying to inch through the pandemonium.  As I became more involved with the day-to-day work of establishing a li本论文由英语论文网提供整理，提供论文代写，英语论文代写，代写论文，代写英语论文，代写留学生论文，代写英文论文，留学生论文代写相关核心关键词搜索。