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, a common complaint of western mothers is that Chinese often fondle their babies and very small children. Such behavior—whether touching, patting, hugging or kissing—can be quite embarrassing and awkward for the mothers. They know that no harm is meant, and that such gestures are merely signs of friendliness or affection, therefore they cannot openly show their displeasure. On the other hand, such actions in their own culture would be considered rude, intrusive and offensive, and could arouse a strong dislike and even repugnance. So the mothers often stand by and watch in awkward silence, with mixed emotions, even when the fondling is required by Chinese friends or acquaintances.

The matter of physical contact between members of the same sex in English-speaking countries is a delicate one. Once past childhood, the holding of hands, or walking with an arm around another’s shoulder is not considered proper. The implication is homosexuality, and homosexuality generally arouses strong social disapproval in these countries.

3.1.3 Eye contact

Eye contact is an important aspect of body language. One could draw up quite a list of “rules” about eye contact: to look or not to look; when to look and how long to look; who and whom not to look at.

In conversations with people who know each other, however, American custom demands that there should be eye contact. This applies to both the speaker and the listener. For either one not to look at the other person could imply a number of things, among which are fear, contempt, uneasiness, guilt, indifference…even in public speaking there should be plenty of eye contact. For a speaker to “bury his nose in his manuscript”, to read a speech instead of looking at and talking to hidden audience, as some Chinese speakers are in the habit of doing, would be regarded as inconsiderate and disrespectful.

In conversations, a person shows that he is listening by looking at the other person’s eyes or face. If the other person is speaking at some length, the listener will occasionally make sounds like “Hmm”, “Ummm”, or nod his head to indicate his attention. If he agrees with the speaker, he may nod or smile. If he disagrees or has some reservations, he may slant his head to one side, raise an eyebrow, and have a quizzical look.

The eyes communicate more than any other part of the human anatomy. Staring or gazing at others can create pressure or tension in the room. Gangs have fought over the way someone looked at them. Shifty eyes, too much blinking can suggest deception. People with eye movements that are relaxed and comfortable, yet attentive to the person they are conversing with are seen as more sincere and honest.

“The language of the eyes”—one of the most common and ancient ways of exchanging feelings between boys and girls, men and women—is especially elaborate in the United States. Much study has been made of this: how people of the opposite sex show interest or indifference, encouragement or discouragement, approval or disapproval, affection or aversion. However,