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rspective on my life.  I feel this experience is most beneficial because I may one day represent all different classes of people both in the courtroom and in the political arena. 
The XXX has offered me a great education, and XXX has given me great opportunities to exercise my dreams.  I feel that I was offered a diverse lifestyle, and dealt with many types of individuals in my years there.  After having visited XXX, I was immediately turned on to the small school atmosphere.  I felt comfortable with the campus, and had a feeling of welcome.  Ken, the admissions counselor, gave me a tour of the facility, and I was impressed.  He made me feel at home, and I hadn't even applied.  I was most impressed with the openness of the faculty.  Bob introduced me to Ms. XXX, and she was very welcoming.  
Attending XXX University Law School will be a very fruitful path in utilizing my character, beliefs, and experiences to their utmost potential.  It is my vision and my opportunity to make an important difference while attending Law school at XXX.       

Critique
Click Here for the Edited Version.
Dear XXX,
My name is XXX, and I will be your editor throughout the EssayEdge revision process.  My area of expertise is law school admissions, so I hope I can help you craft the perfect law school personal statement.
You have the basics of a very good essay here. I took the essence of your essay and revised its structure, grammar, and style, bringing to it the elegance and sophistication that will make you stand out from other applicants.
I focused on eliminating any grammatical or stylistic errors that detract from the flow of the essay.  In addition, I broadened the vocabulary and made many changes to diction, and rewrote awkward sentences to aid the continuous flow of the essay.  I also varied your sentence structure to keep the reader interested in the writing.  Mostly, I tried to add more impact to your words by “cleaning up” your writing style.  The manner in which thoughts are expressed can be quite as important as the actual ideas.
You will find that I rearranged your introduction significantly.  The original version was somewhat redundant and convoluted.  The version below is designed to be clearer and more effective in gaining your reader’s attention.
While the below essay is a significant improvement to your original essay, to create a truly excellent admissions essay, you must include more specific details. For example, when discussing the leadership conference, you mention you learned many tools and ideas and applied them to your life, but you never give a single concrete example. This type of abstract writing has no place in an admissions essay.
After reading your essay, I am not at all convinced that I would accept you. Your essay at times reads like a cliché. It really does not matter that attending law school will tremendously help you. What matters is that you have what it takes to attend law school. What have you done to prepare for law school? What admirable personal qualities do you possess, and more importantly, what life experiences demonstrate these qualities?
The next step is for you to look over this new version and make your own changes to it, then send it back to me at XXX@essayedge.com (you can simply respond to this email).  I will then revise wh本论文由英语论文网提供整理，提供论文代写，英语论文代写，代写论文，代写英语论文，代写留学生论文，代写英文论文，留学生论文代写相关核心关键词搜索。